Season 2, Episode 4 - Karma Chameleon

Original Airdate - October 13th, 2002

Okay so remember last season when Ashley was rolling and said some brutally honest but not very nice things to Paige and Jimmy and also hooked up with Sean? Ever since then, Paige, Hazel, Jimmy and Spinner have been icing her out, and Ashley is sick of being punished. She’s ready to take some proactive steps to repair.

Paige heads to Media Immersion class and we meet Ellie Nash, a quirky alt girl who does not give two shits about Paige’s popularity. I love Ellie, and she makes a strong first impression.

Ashley comes up to Paige and apologizes. I assumed this must be like her third or fourth apology, but later she says that this is the first time she’s tried this. Such a funny, high school freshman thing to only think about apologizing months later. Ashley is very sincere, and appeals to her history with Paige. It seems to be hitting, and Ellie watches on.

Next on the apology tour is Jimmy. Ashley says she didn’t mean what she said, it was just the drugs (I disagree) and that her whole family misses him. It’s clear that Jimmy still has feelings for Ash, and she seems open to exploring their connection again too.

Ashley’s good day takes a turn when she realizes she forgot her lunch money, but Sean swoops in to help. Ashley breaks the ice with him. They haven’t actually spoken since they made out, and Ashley wants to be friends. Craig sees the interaction and can tell Sean is into her. Craig pushes Sean to go for it.

Paige feels unsure about Ashley’s sincerity. She thinks Ashley is just trying to manipulate her way back in with the cool kids. But Hazel thinks she feels threatened. In Ms. Kwan’s class, Paige breaks and lets Ashley sit next to her. They have a cute little chat. It seems like the tension is finally breaking.

That night, Ashley feels fantastic as she and Terri pick out clothes for Picture Day. A quick fashion detour. Gone are the preppy looks of season one. Degrassi fans may know that Ashley is about to go full goth, and that shift is already evident in her styling. It definitely has more of an edge. Terri, on the other hand, has been pulling in more streetwear influences. I don’t know where this is coming from, but it does work for her.

Sean calls and asks Ashley out. Ashley says yes and is excited, but Terri is less thrilled. What will Jimmy think? Ashley, correctly, says that she and Jimmy aren’t together, but, incorrectly, does a classic Ashley move. She comments that Terri will understand it when a boy actually likes her. Ouch.

Picture Day! Ashley is in a cute outfit with a bit of an edge and Paige gladly compliments her. But when Terri rolls her eyes, Paige smells gossip. Terri tells Paige about the date with Sean, and Paige feels vindicated. She thinks Ashley is being fake, and she’s not letting her get away with it.

In chemistry class, taught by new hottie hot teacher Ms. Hatzilakos, Paige tells Jimmy about the date. Jimmy confronts Sean, and tells him to stay away from his girl. Sean points out that Ashley must not be his girl if she agreed to go out with Sean. They’re about to fight when Craig breaks it up.

Jimmy takes this bad vibe to Ashley, and calls her a slut. She tries to stand her ground, they are not together, but she doesn’t have a comeback when Jimmy points out that they were together when she hooked up with Sean.

Ashley, now feeling shy and wearing a sweater, tries to talk to Paige and Hazel about it. She feels like she may have messed up, but Paige ices her out. Terri confronts Paige, but Paige makes it clear — Ashley is no longer in the group. And if Terri doesn’t want to be cut out of the popular crowd, she’ll stop being friends with Ashley.

Ashley talks to Sean and asks to postpone the date. Sean figures out that it’s not Jimmy that is making Ashley hesitant, it’s Paige. Sean doesn’t want any part of this stupid mess and storms off. Ashley slides down her locker onto the floor and runs into Ellie who has been watching all of this drama from the sidelines.

Picture time. Ashley tries to seek comfort from Terri, but Terri makes her choice and ignores her. Ashley is crushed. She takes her picture with tears running down her cheeks. It’s clear there is no coming back from the end of last year.

Meanwhile, Toby is feeling a little down. He loves nerdy things, anime being his latest interest, but it’s clear that girls don’t like that stuff. He’s done chasing Emma, but it feels like he’s never going to find someone who he can date. Fate intervenes when he goes to check out an anime drawing CD (?) and Mr. Simpson tells him its already been checked out. By a girl! Specifically, by grade 7 Kendra Mason.

Because of his instant crush and the fact that Kendra is Asian, Toby doesn’t immediately put two and two together. But when Spinner confronts him in the bathroom, he makes the connection. Spinner Mason. Kendra Mason. Kendra is Spinner’s adopted sister. Spinner says that Toby better stay away.

Toby wants to talk and flirt with Kendra but Spinner is always watching on. He runs away from her in the hall, ditches their lunch plans, and ignores her in the picture line. Kendra confronts him, and sees her brother glowering. She calls Toby a coward.

But Toby finds his courage. At the end of the school day, he sees Spinner and Kendra arguing. He walks up and boldly tells Spinner his intentions, and Spinner says okay. There’s a little “if you hurt her” threatening, but Spinner respects Toby’s bravery. Toby and Kendra go for ice cream, and Kendra makes it clear that she can stand up for herself.

At first, I wasn’t quite sure what the show wanted me to think about this episode. I am, in general, on Ashley’s side. She’s apologizing, she is allowed to go on dates with whomever she wants, and I think she really is trying to make amends. At the same time, she’s mean to Terri and the episode seems to want to punish her. Karma is in the name of the episode - is that what this is?

But thinking about it, I think that tension is kind of the point. No one is perfect in the world of Degrassi. Paige and Jimmy are hurt by Ashley and distrustful of her for a reason, and I don’t think Ashley is being fully honest with herself either. Ashley is caught in a situation that can be difficult for many adults.

The Ashley and Paige and Jimmy and Terri that were all such perfect friends no longer exist. The Ashley and Paige and Jimmy and Terri that exist here in 2002 don’t go together. She’s outgrown her friends. They’ve moved away from her. It’s okay.

I remember when I was in high school, and my core group of friends felt like the most important people who would ever be in my life. I no longer remember how the conversation came up, but I mentioned this to my mom. In her pragmatic wisdom, she told me that I may be surprised. These friendships may fall out of my life.

At the time I was gagged. How sad for her that she had that experience in high school. That would never ever happen to me. At my big age, I see that she was completely right. I am only close with one person I went to high school with. And there are only two more friends from high school I talk to regularly.

For a while, I felt really bad about that. I felt like I failed somehow. I should have been better about texting. I should have been better about visiting or planning virtual hangouts. I should feel a great sense of loss towards those relationships. But in time, this guilt has faded.

Many years ago, I invited a high school friend out for coffee while I was in town for the holidays. I cared deeply for this friend, and felt bad we’d lost touch. I was hopeful we could rekindle some of our old connection and move forward as adult friends.

It was an incredibly awkward hour. This former friend is married and still lives in the area where we grew up, I’m single and live across the country. This friend spends a lot of time with her family. I see mine rarely. This friend was stably employed. I was on the carousel of writers room gigs. We simply didn’t have anything in common any more. We had nothing to talk about. Neither of us followed up after the coffee.

I regret asking for the coffee in the first place. I hate that my last memory of time with this person is no longer the weekend I visited them in college and we laughed and joked and acted stupid. I hate that it’s stilted conversation and trying to make things fit that simply don’t anymore.

Friendships end. It’s sad, but it’s also good. True friendships exist to give us someone to do our lives with. People we can lean on for support, perspective, fun. Friends are people who share our interests and whose points of view resonate with ours. Through the bond of play and care, with the investment of time, we come to rely on each other. What a beautiful thing.

But people change. Interests are no longer shared. Points of view no longer resonate. There is no more time or distance makes it challenging to form connection. There is no longer a sense of care. This is not a sign of cruelty, it is an honest reflection of the changing seasons of life. To cling to friendships that have run their course is a waste of energy. To reach a point where you can feel compassion for friends past is a sign of maturity.

I am fond of all of the friends I have ever loved. I would gladly exchange a few texts catching up. I am happy when I see good things have happened for them. I think of them and feel joy. And I try to stay content in the knowledge that we drifted away because we no longer work. Friendship doesn’t make sense for us anymore.

And yet I understand why Ashley tries to make nice with Paige. I get why she flirts with Jimmy, even when she realized last year they weren’t right for each other. And not just because she hasn’t lived as long as I have. It’s so tempting to go back into those feelings.

Writing this essay I’m finding myself thinking of several people. I’m yearning for the way they made me feel loved and seen. The way we laughed together. I wonder if they still think about me. I tell myself that if they needed me and called me I’d be there for them, even though part of me isn’t sure that’s true. I don’t know that I’d get on a plane. I don’t think I’m the person they’d call.