Season 3, Episode 4 - Pride, Part 1

Original Airdate - October 8th, 2003

Oh boy. Here we are. I haven’t been looking forward to this. This episode was huge for little baby gay John. I was worried about how it would age, I think I may have been right to worry.

Marco is headed to the beach with Paige, Spinner, Jimmy, and Hazel. He’s dragging Ellie along and she’s less than thrilled. She and Paige don’t really get along. One more new friend is coming along. Paige’s gay brother, Dylan. Marco has total heart eyes.

Ellie quickly realizes why Marco brought her when she’s not a beach person. He hasn’t told the others they are broken up. Ellie is not willing to be his beard anymore and Marco promises to be honest, though he definitely isn’t happy about it. Everyone but Ellie plays beach volleyball. Dylan is very good, he’s an athlete and plays hockey for Degrassi’s team. Marco wants him bad. 

Quick sidebar. This whole sequence has way more camera angles and needle drops than previous seasons of Degrassi and they’re shooting on location. You can see that the show has more money this year. Unfortunately, the day they shot this beach scene was rainy and gray. It’s very funny to watch everyone woo about the beach and Ellie hide from the sun when it is surely windy and cold. You can tell their attempt to make things special kind of flopped.

During this whole beach day, Spinner keeps making homophobic comments. It’s not a good look for a character who often doesn’t look good. We’re talking pure close minded 2003 nonsense. “Don’t want to look homo.” Send them all to an island. It’s gross stuff. 

Dylan and Marco have a flirty exchange where Dylan helps Marco perfect his serve. Later, he asks Paige about Marco and wonders if Marco may be gay. Hazel joins them and thinks there’s no way. She still harbors a crush on Marco and knows her main obstacle isn’t his sexuality, it’s Ellie. The Michalchuks catcall some passing runners and while I don’t think it’s weird because gay, like Spinner, I do think it’s weird because catcalling is weird. 

The day winds down, and the crew heads to the grill to make food. Ellie picks at her guitar, and Spinner shoves Marco over to have a cute moment. Ellie clocks it and is pissed. She tells everyone they broke up. Embarrassed, Marco runs off to sit homosexually on some rocks and try not to cry. Dylan comes to comfort him.

That Monday, Spinner wonders why Marco didn’t tell him about the breakup. Paige tells him about Dylan’s theory and thinks Marco and Dylan could make a good couple. Spinner shuts that down. There’s no way Marco is gay! Spinner spends the rest of the episode spiraling out like a weirdo because Marco is obviously gay.

Marco has come to school in a hockey jersey to try to make Dylan thinks he likes hockey. It’s unusual, and Spinner calls him out. He test’s Marco’s hockey knowledge, and Marco fails. Spinner is getting agitated and confused. Why would Marco wear a jersey when he doesn’t even like hockey?

Marco talks to Dylan in the library homosexually where we meet another new— well, he’s not a friend. This is Jay, Degrassi’s biggest bad boy who will one day be a series regular. Jay is kind of a fascinating Degrassi character, but he shows up here to be homophobic to Dylan. Dylan stands his ground, and Marco finds that so hot.

Spinner watches Marco interact with women homosexually and feels weird. In science class, he says that Marco should move on from Ellie ASAP. He strong arms Marco into a date with Hazel.

It’s a double date, and honestly the conversation is flowing. Hazel is smitten. She’s suggesting plans for the future and Marco is going along with it. He’s covering his gay ass so well. But then Ellie walks in. She sees what’s happening and gives Marco a look of pure judgement. Hazel interprets this as awkwardness between exes and tries to claim her ground by holding Marco’s arm, but Marco is too overwhelmed. He says that his mom is making marinara and he has to go help.

Spinner runs after him. Spinner is actively angry at this point and shoves Marco against a wall. How could he mess things up with Hazel? It’s really an outsized reaction for Spinner to be having. He delivers an iconic line about not caring about Marco’s mom’s pasta sauce. Marco can’t hold it in anymore. He tells Spinner he’s gay. Spinner runs off without saying anything.

We haven’t seen Terri at all. We’ve barely seen Sean, Liberty, or Toby. Ashley only shows up to touch and kiss Craig. ASHLEY. 

I say all that because somehow we have yet another B story about one of the adult characters. This time it’s Mr. Simpson. Life with a new baby is chaotic, and Christine is running a tight ship. When Simpson starts sneezing, she tells him to find somewhere else to stay. He is not going to get baby Jack sick. Simpson calls Joey.

Craig and Ashley are planning a sexy night home alone when Simpson shows up. Buzz kill. They have a surprising amount of fun playing video games with their teacher until things get strange. Simpson almost faints and has a big nose bleed. Craig is worried.

He tells Emma at school, and Emma is worried too. She confronts her stepdad, and though he’s initially defensive, he decides to call his doctor. The news isn’t good. The signs point to leukemia. They’ve caught it early, but it’s the last thing anyone, especially a new father, wants to hear. 

If you’ll allow me to be a little vulnerable, this episode of Degrassi is literally why I came out of the closet. Silly, right? It found me a few years after it first aired. I had just figured out for myself that yep, I like dudes. I was flipping channels and there was Marco. Dylan. Homophobic Spinner. I was enamored.

It was everything I wanted. Yes, people around them were weird but look at how cool and confident Dylan was! Because he was out! Look how much relief Marco feels to no longer carry a secret! Because he’s out! The inner workings of the universe were exposed. All I had to do to feel that good was come out of the closet.

It didn’t go quite like it did in the show. People weren’t so much impressed by my bold attitude, but confused. A lot of folks tried to save my soul. There was no boyfriend. The confidence didn’t show up. I went from a weirdo who no one quite knew what to do with who everyone thought was gay to a weirdo who no one quite knew what to do with who everyone knew was gay. Whoo!

And for many years, I was pretty judgmental about coming out as a concept. In the 00s and into the 2010s, I think our language around this wasn’t very nuanced. We were all encouraged to do it. Come out, be yourself. There wasn’t a lot of discussion of physical safety or being ready for backlash. All positives, no realism.

That’s changed. I’m glad that’s changed. But for a while, I was a big “um, actually” guy when it came to exposure. National Coming Out Day was met with a yearly social media post about how some people weren’t ready or safe and that’s fine. I carried some judgment for other queer people who entered the room metaphorically purse first. I did what I could to strategically control when new people learned I was a homo.

I failed. Everyone could clock me. I’m so gay. That’s not the point.

I also developed an opinion I think a lot of people have about gay media. Why was so much of it only focused on the closet and coming out? Where once a coming out story that found me as a teen literally changed the trajectory of my life, now I was a hater. Tell a story about something else! Please!

This discourse lasts to this day. For all of the love piled on Heated Rivalry, I’ve seen plenty of criticism that it’s yet another show about the closet. Degrassi itself repeats this coming out story at least two more times. Heartstopper has a coming out story. Red White, and, Royal Blue has a coming out story. Half the queens on Drag Race tell their coming out story. It’s truly everywhere. And aren’t there other stories to tell?

The answer to that question is yes, obviously. But as time has gone along I have become less of a hater. In fact, I think there are reasons, good reasons even, why so many queer stories talk about coming out.

The first is media related. Anyone who has ever tried to get a character of color, a character with a disability, a character with an atypical gender for their job, or, yes, a queer character into a piece of media can tell you the same thing. Studios push back. Are you sure? I feel like we can get a more exciting actor otherwise. Can’t we keep things color blind?

The best response you can have is that the character’s diverse identity is fundamental to the story being told. It doesn’t always work, but it works the most. And coming out is a story that is fundamentally queer. Straight people don’t have to do it. If the storyline for a character is about their hidden identity, that character is either a superhero or LGBTQ. Ideally both imo.

I think a lot of writers do coming out stories as a way to cement the identity of the characters into the show. This character must be queer and we must talk about it. It’s the price to entry and I can’t fault anyone for taking it.

But that argument isn’t just strategic. Coming out is a fundamentally queer experience. It is something that belongs to our community. I hate to admit it, but straight people also fall in love. They have sex. They rave and do molly. Coming out is ours. There’s power in that, especially when it is a queer person telling that story.

For so long, “Degrassi made me come out” was a punchline. It was my funny deprecating joke I told to quickly brush past a common question. But I don’t look at it that way anymore. I don’t think it’s silly at all. I love that I found a piece of media I connected with at a time when I didn’t have a lot to connect with. I love that I chose to emulate it. I think it’s sweet.

And it’s not a punchline. The fact that I came out when I did, the fact that I could never really hide, the fact that it went differently for me than it did for Marco and I wasn’t embraced and I spent years publicly gay but privately alone. These are fundamental parts of my story. They are part of my experience as a queer man who grew up in the 00s in the American South. That experience is part of who I am and how I engage with the world in an enormous way. Understanding my coming out story and experience is important to understanding me.

I’m in my 30s. I look back on my decision to come out with a compassionate “oh sweetie.” I wasn’t ready. I didn’t need to. My motivations were wrong. But I can also see the line that moves through that moment to being around gay people in Orlando to being back in Alabama to moving to LA to resisting the queer community in LA to loving being a part of it now. And I see why I am who I am in ways that go far beyond my experiences with queer people and spaces.

Marco’s mom’s pasta sauce is part of the story of who I am. I’m really glad I found it.

Every queer story should not be about the closet and coming out. There is so much more to us. But coming out stories should be told. They’re important. They’re foundational. They’re special.

And tomorrow we can talk about why I’m so glad there are more besides this one.